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A Mothers Lost Hope-Hope, Healing & Still Fighting Pt 2 Ep 56 | FaithfulFin Talk

• Juantrell Lovette • Season 2 • Episode 56

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In part two of my conversation with my mother, we talk about the hard days—the hopeless days.

This episode is an honest, spiritual, and emotional deep dive into relapse, regret, and the long walk toward forgiveness.

It’s not wrapped in a bow. It’s real, and it’s for anyone still fighting for the ones they love.

🔥 Key Highlights:

  • When you feel like giving up
  • What keeps you going on your worst day
  • How addicts can still believe in purpose
  • Ephesians 2:10 — You are still His masterpiece

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FaithfulFin Talk Music:

Breaking the chain, feeling the gain. Now I'm rising. Open the gate, never too late, no hiding Wings open wide, trusting my God, ready to take off, Ready to take off, Ah, someday. I know I'm moving in the right way. Hey y'all, welcome back to Faithful Fin Talk part two, episode 56.

Juantrell Lovette:

Back to Faithful Fin Talk. Part two, episode 56. We're here with my mom and today's title is called Hope, healing and Still Fighting. This is raw and unfiltered, you guys. This is real stories, real scripture and real growth. Like I said, we're back for part two and nothing is off the table. I want to talk about hope, but I also want the days. Talk about the days you want to give up, the relapse, the nights I didn't know where you were, the prayers I pray for you to survive another week. So these questions is coming in unfiltered and are coming in hot and they're ready. So, mom, part two describe what a good day actually looks like for you now and be honest, how often do you have these good days? Say it again Describe what a good day actually looks like for you now and how often do you actually have these good days, days oh, a good day for me is, uh, waking up, thanking god, and I woke up to see another day for once.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Um, a lot of times I wake up, I say a prayer, I say a prayer to myself. Um, I also, um, I like to go outside, sometimes just maybe take a bus ride, you know, interact with other people that's what a good day looks like to you.

Juantrell Lovette:

What does a bad day look like to you?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

you. A bad day for me is like when everything just like piled up on like a pile and like a say that you was in high school you had a pile of homework this big or something just always just piled up so much it was too much to handle. That's like a bad day for me. Uh happen to deal with too much, uh animosity or uh not having my own things like I want, like I used to how long has it been since you've had your own things?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Oh, I guess about eight or nine years from now, well, since 2019. That was the last time we had our own things.

Juantrell Lovette:

We. Well what about you? Well me.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I'll say me Having my own thing, having my own car, having my own place, you know, you had your own car. Having my own place, you know.

Juantrell Lovette:

You had your own car in 2019?.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Mm-hmm, I was a bonus, okay, remember, and we lost a lot of things from COVID. I mean, you know, when COVID came in, it kind of like slowed our processing down, a lot of processing down as far as moving and trying to get out, because we was.

Juantrell Lovette:

What about for you? How? When was the last time you, on your own, actually had something?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

2019.

Juantrell Lovette:

Okay, was that a car?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I had my own car and I was living in my own place. How many?

Juantrell Lovette:

cars, would you say you have lost over the years of your life since driving.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Since I was 19? Well, no, actually in my first car I was 16. Yeah.

Juantrell Lovette:

How many cars would you just say in total?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

A car lot and some I mean.

Juantrell Lovette:

A car lot and some you have lost that many cars. Yes, yeah.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

A lot of them was reposs. Yes, a lot of them was repossessed. A lot of them was clunked out. A lot of them just have you ever?

Juantrell Lovette:

lost a car lot. Anybody ever experience losing a car lot?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Well, from the time I was 16. That's how many cars? She's have lost over the time of her being alive. That is extreme.

Juantrell Lovette:

That is crazy.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I had to get my first license until I was 19. I was driving when I was 16.

Juantrell Lovette:

So these are some real questions, because on this podcast I talk about Labette Legacy. I talk about building a legacy. I talk about creating a legacy for my children because obviously my mom didn't have a legacy for me. She didn't sustain a legacy to pass down to me, for I'm to give one to my kids. So creating a legacy is this is what it looks like I talked about in the previous episodes about how I felt God was denying me for social, certain things like government assistance, section 8 and stuff like that. And so, seeing that my mom is constantly on government assistance and stuff like that, what's stopping you from working a job?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Well, most jobs nowadays you have to have a skill or you have to. You know, you have to have worked in that type of field. You know I have applied. I can't say I applied for a lot of jobs and for some reason I just never got it, you know was those in the early years of your 20s, mm-hmm.

Juantrell Lovette:

So, nothing really in the 30s.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

No, I was the 40s. I was still having kids. I was a gap between you and your brother. I waited nine years after from you and Robert to have Jaquan. You know so, in my 30s I was still, I had Jaquan. I had BJ. I mean I had Jaquan. You know so, in my 30s I was still, I had Jaquan. I had BJ. I mean I had Jaquan.

Juantrell Lovette:

But parents work all the time. Yeah, but I was People work all the time.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I was still on Section 8. I still had my you know, my government assistance.

Juantrell Lovette:

So you accepted Section 8 and government assistance before putting yourself and work ethic forward. Well, it became, it became comfortable.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I guess I just became comfortable yourself and work ethic forward. It became comfortable, I guess. See comfortability you guys.

Juantrell Lovette:

You do not want to get comfortable with accepting a non-legacy journey. You do not want to get comfortable in the government assistance. Yes, you want to use the government assistance. You want to use them for temporary, but to stay there will leave you in poverty. It's systematic.

Juantrell Lovette:

I call it fleas in a jar. I'll tell you this story. I'm quite sure some people heard it. If not, here's a story I've heard it before. A scientist had fleas in a jar and he put the lid on top of the jar with the fleas inside. This jar stayed closed for a certain amount of time. Once the scientists opened the jar the jar the fleas never jumped out. They stayed at the limit of the rim of the jar. And when they had offsprings, their fleas never jumped out of the jar. They stayed at the limit of where the jar was. So it's called fleas in a jar, and that's what poverty is Fleas in a jar. That's what systematic government assistance is.

Juantrell Lovette:

Fleas in a jar? Yes, it helps people, yes, it's beneficial for some, but it can create a legacy of poverty instead of a legacy of wealth. It can create a legacy of debt, then create a legacy of wealth and money. Here I'm sitting next to my mom who's never worked a day in her life a regular job. She relies on government assistance. If I would have, I'm her offspring. My mom is trapped fleas in a jar. If I decided to stay in the jar then I would not be trying to create a legacy for my children. I took the initiation to hop out the jar. No-transcript. What gets you through the night? Is it faith? Is it family, or is it just survival? Faith, faith. And where, would you say, your faith lies today?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

That's all I have to live on right now is my faith. That's all I have to live on right now is my faith, my knowing that, with faith, it's a good thing to believe in, you know, it's a good thing that keeps you hopeful for certain things.

Juantrell Lovette:

What are some of the things that you will say that you're hopeful for today, Because in the last episode we heard you say you're grateful, but I consider grateful and hopeful to me is almost like the same.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

They're not. Well, maybe to you, but to me.

Juantrell Lovette:

It's not. I can pull up the meanings. They're not the same. Well, that's how I look at it. For you guys to have context, what grateful mean?

Juantrell Lovette:

It says feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness, and thankful, that's somebody being grateful. That's me opening my doors to her, allowing her to stay rent free in my house. Of course she's going to be grateful. She can use the bathroom when she wants, she can go in and out when she wants, she can sleep very comfortably. That's the one being grateful Me having help with my kids, my family situations. I'm very grateful for the people that come around, even today in studio. I'm grateful for Taylor. I'm grateful for Chris. I'm grateful for Chris. I'm grateful for Santiago. I'm grateful for these people. But am I hopeful that we can keep this thing going? That's a different type of understanding. So grateful, like I said, it means feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness, thankful. I'm very grateful to you for all your help. Basically, that's what she said, that she is now hopeful. I'm going to pull up that meaning just so that we can know what that means Um, feeling or inspiring optimism about a future event.

Juantrell Lovette:

I'm hopeful that this will happen for me. I'm hopeful that Faithful Fin Talk will actually reach the people that it needs to reach and touch and talk and speak to the people that it needs to talk to. I'm hopeful that God will actually let this podcast go that far. That's hopeful. That's a completely, totally different thing from being grateful. I'm optimistic about the future events, of what can happen. What are you hopeful for today? What are you hopeful for today If you are on?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

government assistance. I'm hoping that in my future which I can never predict the future but I'm hoping in my future that I won't be going through some of the things I'm going through today.

Juantrell Lovette:

What are you going through today? Because?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

like I said you have a roof over your head that's temporarily.

Juantrell Lovette:

I'm still homeless remember yes, you are, so why aren't you looking for a job?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

like I said today, you have to have a lot of experience. Yes, you do. It's not easy for a person in my age, in my age, to go and fill out applications.

Juantrell Lovette:

All the old people that's working in Walmart the people that you see pushing the cartons and stuff. Do you think that these people have experience?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Probably been there for years.

Juantrell Lovette:

Could it be somebody who just don't want to switch their events in life?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

No, like I said, I went out. I applied for several jobs.

Juantrell Lovette:

Have you done it since? You've been in my house.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

No, no, I haven't been there that long. Okay, I haven't been there like a month, have you?

Juantrell Lovette:

woken up and put in a job application? No, since being rent free in my house.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

No, no, I haven't.

Juantrell Lovette:

Then that's not hopeful, you guys.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Well, I guess I'm not hopeful, that's just grateful.

Juantrell Lovette:

It's a big difference and I want you guys to be able to see what hopeful and grateful looks like. Because hopeful is me taking initiative and saying I'm going to book a studio session to constantly do my podcast, hopefully that in the future events that it will touch and reach the right people. Grateful is me saying I'm grateful that you showed up today. It's me saying I'm grateful that you showed up today. Hopeful is saying I'm actually hopeful that you will go out here today and make a difference with yourself. It's a big difference. So, in a hopeful event, what would you want to happen for?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

you. I don't know, I don't, I don't know, I can't. Like I said, for the future, I don't, I can't predict the future. I can only go for what's happening today. So for the future I don't know about, I can only hope that in the future that I, you know, continue to be a better person and to continue to stay keeping my faith and hope and with God, and to live, to have another life, and I mean to live another day. You know, that's what I'm hoping for.

Juantrell Lovette:

So in Ephesians, chapter two, verse 10, it says we are God's masterpiece, even if we're broken. Do you believe that applies to you? Why or why not? I?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

feel that you just keep hope alive. You know that's my big thing. I hope you keep hope alive. You know that's my big thing. I hope you keep hope alive. You keep hope in your spirit and you just hope to be to live in another day, to get through another day, you know, because everybody's not promised to wake up tomorrow.

Juantrell Lovette:

Nobody's promised to wake up tomorrow. I don't think anybody disqualified from the program. We're all in this. Nobody's promise tomorrow, not even a brand new baby that comes fresh out of the private Right. Nobody's promise tomorrow. So I'm still learning to forgive you and just forgive in general. Sometimes I have to forgive you over and over and over again. How do you forgive yourself if you do?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I just forgive myself. I mean, what does?

Juantrell Lovette:

forgiveness mean to you or someone in your shoes. What does forgiveness even mean to someone like you in your shoes?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

What does forgiveness even mean to someone like you, in your shoes. Well, I think you, just to get over the feeling of not forgetting forgiving, you have to forgive somebody that you really don't want to forgive. God say love your enemies even when they don't love you.

Juantrell Lovette:

Would you consider yourself an enemy of who you are?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

No, no, like you said, this is spiritual warfare so that's my enemy?

Juantrell Lovette:

I don't know. We all deal with those spiritual warfars inside, so I could be my worst enemy. I can be my worst enemy depending on how I talk to myself, how I initiate things, how I do things. I can sabotage myself based off of the decisions that I make or what I do with my life. Do you feel like you have forgiven yourself?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

In a certain sense, because a lot of times people don't give you credit even for the good things you do.

Juantrell Lovette:

It's nobody's job to give you credit. No.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I'm not just, I'm talking about in general.

Juantrell Lovette:

But this is for you. This is not a general question. This is you talking to yourself. This is not for generation. I feel like you still struggle with forgiveness, that you have not completely forgiven yourself, that you live constantly in the past and the memories of what keeps you down.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I think that's just your opinion but everybody has a right to their opinion, but in my opinion to me I've grown a lot. I mean because, believe me, if I was still in the way I was back in the day, I don't think I'd be sitting here right now.

Juantrell Lovette:

Well, you're only sitting here because I've opened that space for you.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Well, I'm talking about in general period. I wouldn't be sitting here, even in the presence of anybody, because I would isolate myself. I used to isolate myself a lot.

Juantrell Lovette:

In understanding. Just for correct context, you're homeless, Mm-hmm. Homeless is isolation.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

Well, I'm homeless, really not. I can't say it's by choice. It has to be. No, that's your opinion mom, nobody else. I'm the homeless because, I've lost a lot of things that I did. That again, I've lost, I've lost yeah, a lot of that. I. But it was not by choice, it was because I had bad choices. I was incarcerated. To where, again, who was incarcerated? I was. I'm saying I was incarcerated Again. Choices OK, by putting myself in a surrounding to get incarcerated. Ok, it wasn't by choice. Another choice no, it was by.

Juantrell Lovette:

You put yourself in a position to get incarcerated.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I didn't just go say handcuff me, put me in jail. I don't think anybody does.

Juantrell Lovette:

I don't think anybody driving down the street riding with no driver's license or somebody committing a crime is thinking, hey, I'm going to put myself in this. Bad consequence. No consequences happen based off of what we do, by the choices that we make. We all have a choice. I have a choice to walk with God. I can say screw you, god, I don't know what you got going on. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't want no parts of it. I'm with the world World, what's up. I have a choice to walk in relationship with God. I can solely fall on religion and go from religion, religion, religion, religion. But I have a choice to say I want to walk with God and I don't know what that looks like. So, god, show me what that look like. That's my choice. We all have a choice to do something.

Juantrell Lovette:

For a long time, my mom has struggled with denial. She struggled with the fact of the truth will actually set you free. It is a proven statement. So, as I'm giving her an open platform to tell her story, I want to be real with you guys, because this is real stories, and I want to be very authentic and raw with you guys. I don't sugarcoat with guys. I don't sugarcoat with her. I don't play games with my mom. I tell her what it is and I'll tell her straight up what it is. If you're lying, if you're in denial, you need to wake up and see, because we all have a choice to do. If you want to change your life, right now you have the opportunity. You're living with somebody, rent free, you don't have to pay a bill. Why aren't you getting up to do something to put yourself in a better situation each day and every day?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

well, I do, I mean a lot of times. You probably don't see it, but I do every day I get up, I don't just just not forget what is happening. I, you know, like I said, I do it in my perspective, my space, my time. I don't. You know, I'm not the type of person like to rush things or try to. Oh, you know so.

Juantrell Lovette:

And that's why I love having her here right now is because I want us to understand that we do do things in our own perspective we all do. But having the right correction of perspective is somebody saying hey, you've been doing it wrong for this long and maybe, with the right guidance and the right help, you can do it a better way. You can do it a different way From your perspective. If you have been constantly pulling yourself down, talking negative into yourself, beating yourself up and this is all coming from your perspective what makes you think that you're going to be hopeful for tomorrow, your perspective is already flawed. That's why walking with God is so important to me. That's why creating Faithful, fit Talk is so, so important to me, because my thoughts are not God's thoughts. My thoughts will actually screw me over, but God's words are so powerful that it lets me understand that I actually have an inheritance that I come from and I'm a masterpiece. But on the perspective, if I had this perspective that my mom come from nothing, I come from nothing, and if I went off my own perspective, then I will have nothing. So, yes, we do all have our own perspective, but our perspective could leave us in poverty. It can leave us struggling with addiction, it can leave us fighting family, it can leave us not being hopeful. So I like to see it from God's perspective.

Juantrell Lovette:

God, what did you say about me? Did you say that hands make work worth it? Do you say that a man who sleeps and slumbers in the bed brings nothing for poverty? Yeah, so that's God's perspective and my perspective. And God's perspective is completely, totally different. So, like I said earlier, I have plenty of reasons to be angry and upset with you. I can be mad and angry just for your perspective, just for the choices that you make, but that's not what it is. So I really want to understand what do you want for your grandchildren and let's just talk grandchildren for a while, because you didn't help me raise my kids. I don't think you ever even watched my kids. Your sons also have kids. So, as a grandmother and an opportunity to change your perspective in your life today, what do you want your grandkids to know?

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I just want them to know they can have better choices in life. You know, they don't have to always be a follower, you know, they can always lead their own way. Just be better people. I can only pray for them. I wish that I had a better relationship with my grandkids. I wish that I had a better opportunity to show them well, grandma's not all that bad, or I'm not all that what they say bad, or I'm not all that what they say, you know. But you know, I can only pray to God to put us into a better relationship than we are in right now, you know. So I hope for the best for them. I only wish for the best for them. I only keep my prayers for the best for all kids, not just my grandkids, but just for all young kids that that's going through a situation where they're, you know, feeling fighting a battle with so-called demons or so-called bad situations. So you know, I just hope for the best.

Juantrell Lovette:

You know that they make a lot of hope.

Quantrell Johnson (mom):

I just want them to make better choices in life, even going through the task of going through high school, going through elementary, going through to get to college or going through whatever they're going to go through, that they will make the right choice for themselves.

Juantrell Lovette:

So you can't save someone who doesn't want help, no, but you can love them without losing yourself. Some days, grace is just letting someone sleep in your house, even if you're scared, celebrate in the little winds. One day, clean is a miracle. One day not Don't ignore your own pain. Therapy and prayer both matters. Faith is not a fairy tale. Sometimes it's holding on by a thread and that thread sometimes can be so small that you're trying to find it in a needle in a haystack. But if you're struggling with addiction or love someone who is there is help. Call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP. It's free, it's confidential and it's 24-7. You can visit samhsagov slash find help slash national helpline for more information.

Juantrell Lovette:

God, we're messy, we're hurting, but you promised that nothing is wasted, not our pain, not our past, not even our worst day. Cover every parent, every child, every family in this fight. Give us strength to keep showing up. Remind us, even in our lowest moments, that you are still with us, amen, okay. So, if this conversation has blessed you because, yes, we're talking to my mom and I'll bring her back, but I don't want to overwhelm her with questions and beat her down of her perspective, because y'all, I really want to, but I'm not gonna do such because it's a very sensitive topic and subject, not just for me, but for her as well.

Juantrell Lovette:

Anybody fighting any type of demon, whatever it looks like, it's not the easiest thing, and I said it before, I'm going to say it again Not everybody go through facilities can get the cure and change that's needed. So shout out to the ones that is stepping forward and making moves and hopeful that they will be a better person for them tomorrow. If God give you the opportunity to wake up tomorrow, could you do better than you did yesterday. That's all you have to do is put one foot in front of the other. So, you guys, I like to hear from you. Share with us your comments, dm us, subscribe to Faithful Fin Talk, join the community, follow and connect with us on Instagram, tiktok, facebook, youtube and our website Podcast is faithfulfintalkcom. You can join the newsletter and drop a testimony or DM us your story. You are part of this family. We are growing, we are building, so let's keep building a legacy together. Thank you for walking with me, thank you for growing with me, and until next time. You guys, this is Faithful Fintalk Real stories, real scripture, real growth.

FaithfulFin Talk Music:

Bye, faithful Fin, talk, real stories, real scripture, real growth. Bye, I keep praying.

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